Last week, I shared a post called “Please stop ghosting people,” which struck a chord with so many of you.
Among all the messages I received, one question kept popping up: What should I do when I’m the one being ghosted?
First, let me clarify what I mean by ghosting. This isn’t about someone being late to reply because life gets messy. That’s just being human. Ghosting is different—it’s when someone disappears entirely, even after you follow up.
If you’re like I used to be, your default reaction might be to rationalize the other person’s behavior: Oh, they’re just bad at texting. They’re probably juggling a hundred demands on their time.
I especially did this when I perceived the other person as “higher status” than me. I’d swallow the hurt and let it fester.
But here’s the truth I eventually had to face: Every time I excused someone for ghosting me, I was quietly teaching myself to stay small. It took time, but I learned to handle ghosting—and really, any uncomfortable conversation—in a way that honors my voice and respects my values.
Here’s what I do now when someone ghosts me. This isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution; it’s a pair of alternative approaches that I use depending on the situation. Take what resonates and leave the rest.
1. Do nothing (and let them go).
Sometimes the best response is no response. If the relationship isn’t particularly important to me, I don’t waste energy seeking closure.
When someone doesn’t get back to me, I send one follow-up—and never more than one. Still no answer? That’s my answer.
And this is when the delete/unsubscribe/unfollow buttons become my best friends. There’s something oddly liberating about removing a ghoster from my digital world. It’s like shutting down a browser tab that’s been sucking up mental bandwidth for too long.
That simple act of letting go isn’t passive; it’s intentional. It’s a deliberate choice to reclaim your energy and clear space for people who are aligned with you.
2. Address it head-on
If a relationship is important to me, then I take a different route. Ghosting can feel like rejection, but it’s often about miscommunication or mismatched expectations. So, I call it out.
This doesn’t mean sending an angry tirade or demanding explanations. Instead, I send a message that’s both clear and kind, like this:
Hey, I noticed you didn’t respond to my last message, even after I followed up. I really care about the people in my life, and I expect the same in return. I know life gets busy, but not hearing back after a follow-up doesn’t sit well with me. If you’re too busy to respond, even a quick ‘I’ll get back to you later’ helps keep the connection going.
If you want to continue our friendship on that foundation, I’d love that. But if that foundation doesn’t work for you, no hard feelings, and I wish you the best.
Whenever I send a message like this, I immediately feel complete. My peace doesn’t depend on their response—it comes from knowing I stood up for what matters to me.
This approach has another benefit: Unaddressed resentments tend to build up into blow-ups that can damage a relationship beyond repair. It’s far better to address the elephant in the room early, with honesty and care.
People who care about you will meet you there. And those who don’t? They’re not your people, so it’s time to let them go.
Here’s the thing: Every time you shrink yourself—every time you suppress what’s important to you—you teach yourself that you and your voice don’t matter.
In the end, it’s not just about avoiding ghosts.
It’s about becoming someone who refuses to disappear on herself.
Related
Bold
